A little Christmas English homework humor......

I know I have mentioned before that we often end up being last minute English teachers, English homework checkers, and general English resource centers to our non-English speaking neighbors.  A couple of days ago a young high school gal, who I once helped with some simple English homework, dropped off a 7 page document about Christmas, needing it to be translated immediately.  I have to admit I was a little perturbed.  Now, I can read Thai and I can translate, that is not the problem.  The problem is that it is her homework and she dropped it off for me to do.  I don’t like that.  When she dropped by today to pick up the completed translation I told her that I hadn’t started it and that I didn’t feel right about doing it all, seeing as it was a homework assignment given to her, not to me.  She was obviously not thrilled about my decision but we sat out on the porch and started to work on it.  After a few minutes she said that she had a friend who may have translated it already and that she’d just get that copy and have me spell check it.  I could not believe what I saw when she brought me the translated manuscript this evening.  I was planning to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”, instead I was forced to participate in a grueling spell/grammar corrections project.  At first I was going to just do a little nip and tuck to what she wrote, and then I read it.  I think what she did was to open the Thai/English dictionary and then just translate everything directly.  Here are a few samplings and believe or not they are completely unedited:

1. *This first one is supposed to be about the use of candles and wreaths during the Christmas season*  “Candle and the steering wheel.  Steering wheel is the symbol that the ancient use to mean the victory, but, for steering wheel hanging in that Christmas means with regard to His Majesty come to originate in the world, and make everything fully, be plentiful follow event plan of God, which, this custom is brought from one father low-lying group has in German country takes the branch comes to assemble, be a circle resembles the steering wheel, already take 4 candles lay on steering that wheel, everybody in a family will one candle dot, pray pray, and sing the Christmas accompanied with for 4 last week arrive at Christmas, the tradition is popular (gum, rubber, tire much) in the United States of America, later have the change by lead the 1 that candle comes to the dot keeps in the middle steering wheel, and induce hang at a window, for the warning gives a person who has passed back and forth know near arrive at the Christmas already, reason part that the steering wheel has that green, because, there is believing that, green will help protect the home has from power wicked gang, “ 
2. (These are some snippets from the section about Santa)  “….this tradition then begin to is that know and extensively in the USA, by have something change, be, saint cow name, become, crawl eyes well up, and instead of a patriarch, become a man old that fat and add red group, live at the North Pole, there is move the vehicle that have the deer scurries abundantly tug, and will visit everybody child in this world in Christmas chance, by get down chimney way of a house for takes a gift comes to give those child follows his behavior, although, crawl eyes will well up to is just the legend that happens to come to for celebrate the Christmas no matter, but be center symbol takes the soul and the meaning of the Christmas keep very much, such as, the delight admires, helpfulness, love and the intimacy…”

I was expecting to shed some tears tonight while watching an old favorite Christmas movie.  The reality was though that I shed some major tears of laughter over these words, hope they bring a little laughter to your day too.