Just like you

What kind of picture comes to your mind when you hear the word missionary?  I'm embarrassed to say that I used to think of a kind but somewhat fashion challenged individual.  Someone who wore clothes from the last decade and maybe sported a haircut from the same era.  I usually pictured someone who was happy with the life the Lord had called them to, although I couldn’t imagine how one could be happy living on the other side of the world in difficult and primitive conditions.  I have now entered that missionary stereotype and I sometimes wonder how people view me.  I can tell I’m not up with the latest fashions and I have no idea what the most popular sitcom is that people sit up and wait for on Thursday nights…it’s not ‘Friends’ anymore, is it? 

Other than the fact that we may be slightly behind on the current cultural nuances of American life, we are very much just like any other typical Christan family.  We have struggles just like everyone else.  The challenges I face as a mom with two young kids and a busy husband are in so many ways exactly like the life of a good friend who lives in Ohio.  Just like any other believer there are times when we struggle with contentment and joy in the midst of life’s daily grind.  I love the opportunity I have to keep in touch with family and friends at home, especially when I find that our joys and our challenges are similar, despite the distance.

One area that you might not see of a missionary’s life, is their struggles.  When you see them on the stage at church or smiling back at you from their prayer card picture you have posted on your fridge, you might not know very accurately how they’re really doing, or if they might be having a terrible, no good, very bad day.  That’s part of the reason why I wanted to start this blog.  To give you an idea of what life is like for us, so that we’re not just an unchanging smiling picture in your mind. 

I have spent much of the past 6 months or so struggling with aspects of the life that I lead here.  Even though I’ve lived in Thailand as a single, as a newlywed, as a mom of one little boy and now two little boys, I’ve found that every life change requires a new decision and challenge to reaccept and reaffirm the call that the Lord has given me here.  At each new stage there are new sacrifices to make and always that decision of ‘yes, I will be obedient to my call here, even if it means making this sacrifice as well.’

When we first moved to Thailand we lived in Chiang Mai, a big city about 5 hours south of our current home in Wiang Kaen.  By western standards Chiang Mai is very comfortable and offers many of the conveniences that any large town in America does.  In other words, to jump from life in America to life in Chiang Mai was not really a difficult change.  There were Western restaurants everywhere, Western friends, lots of opportunities to speak English etc.  It wasn’t until we moved to Wiang Kaen that I really had to do a lot more dying to self.  There was the loss of close access to Western food and to being in close proximity to a good hospital.  There was saying goodbye to having an air conditioner in our house and a normal shower. 

There are many things that I often long for in my daily life here.  These things are not wrong things to desire, in fact they are good things.  I would love to have a good English-speaking friend nearby, a Bible study, for my family to live closer by, for there to be a swimming pool nearby ….and it goes on.  For a long time I prayed for these things, at least for the reasonable things, to be answered in prayer.  But they have not been answered in the way I expected.  Maybe they will be in time, but for now they are safe in the Lord’s arms.  For every request I have made for this or that, I have found the Lord to be sufficient to fill that desire.  When afternoon comes and I long for a friend to share my day with, I now turn to Jesus.  When I’m tired and I wish that somehow my mother or my mimi-in-law could come and take care of the boys, I turn to Jesus and ask Him for the strength to continue.  When something wonderful happens that I would love to share with a friend in my own heart language, I talk to Jesus and praise Him for His wonderful gifts.  I’m beginning to learn with my heart, something that I’ve known in my head for a long time, that no matter where I am and what I’m facing that I have everything I need in my Jesus. 

Some of you think that if you had to let go of these comforts, for whatever reason, that you’d be miserable.  But the ironic and amazing truth of it is that I find it a blessing.  It’s not that I don’t sometimes wish for some of the things that we’ve left behind, it’s that the Lord has filled up those empty spaces (which were really quite empty in terms of real significance) and filled them up with sweeter things.  I have the time and the space to garden.  We have a huge field next to our house where the boys can run and tumble and play.  We have an amazing 360 degree view of mountains, rice patties, bamboo clusters, banana trees and sunsets.  Most importantly though I know that by my being here, in this place, right now, that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.  And wherever you are right now, I trust that you have that same sense of joy in being exactly where you are, despite the difficulties, because that is the place that the Lord has led you to. 

I’m beginning to learn with my heart, something that I’ve known in my head for a long time, that no matter where I am and what I’m facing that I have everything I need in my Jesus.  I pray that this may be the same with you.  I’ll close this entry with a favorite hymn.

I’d Rather Have Jesus

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold, I’d rather be His than have riches untold, I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands.  I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause, I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause,  I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame.  I’d rather be true to His holy name.

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom, He’s sweeter than honey from out of the comb, He’s all that my hungering spirit needs.  I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead. 

Than to be the king of a vast domain and be held in sin’s dread sway.  I’d rather have Jesus than anything this world affords today.