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Ah, or maybe AAAAAHHHHH! Where has the time gone? This 6 month furlough is drawing to a close and I can’t believe I haven’t updated this site in months. What a whirlwind this time has been. I’m beginning to wonder why time seems to pass so much more quickly in the states than it does in our little town of Wiang Kaen.
Since being back in the States I’ve found myself thinking
more about how much I have to be thankful for.
At first it was just the simple things like having a DISHWASHER, a
DRYER, HOT WATER IN MY KITCHEN FAUCET that made me so joyful, so thankful. But I’ve gotten deeper than that too. I’m thankful for the cooler weather, the lack
of bugs, the gift of watching the seasons change. I’m thankful for this time we’ve had to step
away from our ministry in Wiang Kaen, to see it from a distance with the Lord’s
perspective. I’m thankful for how the
Lord has stretched our income, somehow, that even though we’re living in a
place where things are much more expensive for us than normal, we have never
ended up short, not even once. I’m
thankful for the attention of family and friends to Raymond and Rudy, and for
how they have blossomed under the love of such an extended network of people
who care for them. I’m thankful that God
has called me to be a missionary and for what that has done for me personally,
how it has opened my eyes wide to how the Lord has tenderly cared for me in
every difficult situation.
There’s something about living in the States that sometimes makes me feel kind of numb. Do you ever feel that way? We spent this past week with family, enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday together. I noticed during that time how much I took for granted. I sat down for Thanksgiving dinner and I didn’t give a lot of thought to what a blessing it was, to be in a warm house, to be surrounded by family, to have a splendid feast before us. I thought about those blessings but they didn’t grip my heart in the same way as they have before. A year ago in Wiang Kaen I remember what I was thinking on Thanksgiving Day. I remember being thankful that the Lord gave me the energy I needed to provide a big meal for our friends. I remember being thankful that we had enough money to buy gas to drive 2 hours away to the grocery store and then that we had enough to buy the provisions to make a meal. I remember being thankful for the faces of our dear friends and their shy smiles as they shared about how the Lord had been good to them. It’s like everything is in bold, florescent color there- when we get sick we sometimes get really sick. When the Lord answers a prayer it’s a huge blessing. Each meal that ends up on our table there is something to be truly thankful for. Here we are surrounded by so much. Excellent medical care in a huge variety of nearby locations. Stores that provide every possible necessity. Friends and family who are continually generous to us in many different ways. When we return to Thailand though, that’s all gone. Medical care is mediocre at best, and it’s far away. Food is available but not always clean and not always providing the nutrition that we need. Fellowship with other English speaking believers is far away. But do you know what we have when you take all those other things away? We have our Lord Jesus, and He knows all our needs. We have never gone hungry. We have never been in a seriously dangerous medical situation. When all that I would have depended on was taken away, that’s when I truly began to lean on the Lord. And how faithful He has been.
A striking view
Beloved brothers
We’ve had absolutely lovely weather here the last three days, rainy, rainy, rainy. When sweltering, humid and hot days turn into rainy and 76 degree days, we adjust from being a slightly-irritable-in-the-late-afternoon-heat family to a relaxed-comfortable-non-sweating-happy-family. I think our lawn is officially saturated now and the trees look almost inches taller than they did over the weekend…it’s wonderful. I’m going to miss this place while we’re home.
I’m starting to think more about what it will be like to be away from Thailand for 6 months and am starting to get familiar with the routine. It goes something like this; As soon as I am in America, I become homesick for Thailand. The opposite is true as well, as soon as I am in Thailand, I am homesick for America. Something happens when you live overseas for an extended period of time. Somehow the smells, the scenery, the thoughts and way of life become a part of who you are. I get that feeling whenever I step out of the airport in Bangkok onto the city streets. The powerful smell of fish sauce assaults my nostrils, and yet smells almost sweet, familiar in a strangely foreign way. To me Thailand symbolizes a lot of things. It’s the first country outside of the U.S. that I’ve really truly experienced. I’ve learned the language, developed a taste for the food, become familiar with a portion of the myriad of cultural complexities. Thailand is also the first place where I felt called by the Lord to serve, to follow Him here despite leaving so many precious people behind. Thailand is where I met Jeremy, where we dated, became engaged and now where we’ve lived as a married couple for more than 5 of our 6 years of marriage. Thailand is where I became a mom for the first and second time. It’s where I’ve raised my children for almost the entirety of their lives. This country holds such dear memories for me.
I’ll miss the smell of humidity, the wetness that permeates every fiber of our home and every pore on our person. Right now it’s 76 degrees. I almost feel a little too cool. Last night when I went to bed I noticed the temperature in our bedroom was about 84. “It feels cool”, I thought, “we can go without the fan tonight.” I’m having these visions of myself in 3 layers of long underwear in the first month of October. It feels as though even my internal temperature has changed after living here for the better part of the last 8 years.
I’ll miss the people. We have lots of acquaintances here. Many people know us as the “foreign family” or the “family who likes bike riding”. There are a few whom we’ve poured precious time and energy into, and it’s those friends who we’ll think of and miss the most. There’s Sing and his family who live up on the mountain. Their house sits on a precipice that affords a beautiful view of the surrounding valleys where our family lives and also into the surrounding countryside of Laos. It’s not a luxury house that they live in though, nor are their lives easy and comfortable. I’ve learned a lot from Sing’s family about contentment. Could I learn to be happy in a simple cement block house, with not a stitch of paint? Would I be content with a kitchen that has bamboo for walls? What if my bathroom floor was at a pitched angle and there was no shower stall, only a bucket of cold water with a dipper? Am I mature enough to rejoice in the Lord, enjoying life no matter what kind of home I’m living in? I still ponder these questions whenever I visit this family because there’s a part of me that longs to be above the trap of comfort and yet I so often can’t quite get past myself. I’ll miss that family and what they’ve taught me about simplicity, dignity and their own trust and faith in Christ.
I’ll miss the sense of purpose that we have while we’re in Thailand. Our day to day job is almost stripped from us when we return to the States and we spend our time talking about our time here, rather than living it. It’s a facet of our life that seems to go on the shelf for the majority of our time at home. We have multiple opportunities to share in church, with our supporters and our family about our life and ministry here- and yet we know it becomes old hat to those who hear it over and over again. So when we miss life here, Jeremy and I open up and chat in the Thai/English dialect that we’ve developed between ourselves.
Thailand is a part of who I am now. I’ve experienced some of the greatest joys and trials of my life here, and those memories are inextricably wound up in the tropical humidity, the rice and rainstorms of northern Thailand.
But what will I miss the most? The mangoes……they just don’t make them the same in the Americas……..
We’ve had absolutely lovely weather here the last three days, rainy, rainy, rainy. When sweltering, humid and hot days turn into rainy and 76 degree days, we adjust from being a slightly-irritable-in-the-late-afternoon-heat family to a relaxed-comfortable-non-sweating-happy-family. I think our lawn is officially saturated now and the trees look almost inches taller than they did over the weekend…it’s wonderful. I’m going to miss this place while we’re home.
I’m starting to think more about what it will be like to be away from Thailand for 6 months and am starting to get familiar with the routine. It goes something like this; As soon as I am in America, I become homesick for Thailand. The opposite is true as well, as soon as I am in Thailand, I am homesick for America. Something happens when you live overseas for an extended period of time. Somehow the smells, the scenery, the thoughts and way of life become a part of who you are. I get that feeling whenever I step out of the airport in Bangkok onto the city streets. The powerful smell of fish sauce assaults my nostrils, and yet smells almost sweet, familiar in a strangely foreign way. To me Thailand symbolizes a lot of things. It’s the first country outside of the U.S. that I’ve really truly experienced. I’ve learned the language, developed a taste for the food, become familiar with a portion of the myriad of cultural complexities. Thailand is also the first place where I felt called by the Lord to serve, to follow Him here despite leaving so many precious people behind. Thailand is where I met Jeremy, where we dated, became engaged and now where we’ve lived as a married couple for more than 5 of our 6 years of marriage. Thailand is where I became a mom for the first and second time. It’s where I’ve raised my children for almost the entirety of their lives. This country holds such dear memories for me.
I’ll miss the smell of humidity, the wetness that permeates every fiber of our home and every pore on our person. Right now it’s 76 degrees. I almost feel a little too cool. Last night when I went to bed I noticed the temperature in our bedroom was about 84. “It feels cool”, I thought, “we can go without the fan tonight.” I’m having these visions of myself in 3 layers of long underwear in the first month of October. It feels as though even my internal temperature has changed after living here for the better part of the last 8 years.
I’ll miss the people. We have lots of acquaintances here. Many people know us as the “foreign family” or the “family who likes bike riding”. There are a few whom we’ve poured precious time and energy into, and it’s those friends who we’ll think of and miss the most. There’s Sing and his family who live up on the mountain. Their house sits on a precipice that affords a beautiful view of the surrounding valleys where our family lives and also into the surrounding countryside of Laos. It’s not a luxury house that they live in though, nor are their lives easy and comfortable. I’ve learned a lot from Sing’s family about contentment. Could I learn to be happy in a simple cement block house, with not a stitch of paint? Would I be content with a kitchen that has bamboo for walls? What if my bathroom floor was at a pitched angle and there was no shower stall, only a bucket of cold water with a dipper? Am I mature enough to rejoice in the Lord, enjoying life no matter what kind of home I’m living in? I still ponder these questions whenever I visit this family because there’s a part of me that longs to be above the trap of comfort and yet I so often can’t quite get past myself. I’ll miss that family and what they’ve taught me about simplicity, dignity and their own trust and faith in Christ.
I’ll miss the sense of purpose that we have while we’re in Thailand. Our day to day job is almost stripped from us when we return to the States and we spend our time talking about our time here, rather than living it. It’s a facet of our life that seems to go on the shelf for the majority of our time at home. We have multiple opportunities to share in church, with our supporters and our family about our life and ministry here- and yet we know it becomes old hat to those who hear it over and over again. So when we miss life here, Jeremy and I open up and chat in the Thai/English dialect that we’ve developed between ourselves.
Thailand is a part of who I am now. I’ve experienced some of the greatest joys and trials of my life here, and those memories are inextricably wound up in the tropical humidity, the rice and rainstorms of northern Thailand.
But what will I miss the most? The mangoes……they just don’t make them the same in the Americas……..
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t’s about that time, furlough time. It’s hard to believe that the two and a half years of our term are coming to a close. Years have turned into months. Months into now just mere days before we board an airplane and journey back home.
Some people have wondered if I’m sad to leave, if saying goodbye for 6 months is difficult. At times I have certainly felt the difficulty of saying goodbye to life here and closing the door on the work that has become such a part of our daily lives. At this particular stage, though, excitement, happiness and relief would be a more fitting description of what I’m feeling as we wait in expectation of this next chapter.
The anticipation of an upcoming furlough tends to make me rather reflective. It’s certainly an excellent time to look back on the past term, relive the struggles, remember the joys and pray about how the Lord would continue to direct us. It’s almost impossible not to have these recollections as constant companions during the final weeks of our time here.
Looking back on the past 30 months or so, it’s clear that there have been mountains and valleys, although the mountain passes often seemed too short, and the valleys seemed so long. I personally continued to struggle with tiredness, feelings of being overwhelmed, loneliness. Some might hear those concerns and say, “Get that girl back home, she’s not doing well!” And believe me, I had many of those thoughts myself. There were many times that I was literally on my knees asking the Lord to either take us out of this situation or provide some kind of lightening bolt of provision that would ease my daily struggles. Even in the midst of those prayers though, I sensed from the Lord that He was not ready to relieve me. I knew that good things were happening in the midst of this season and yet I sometimes wondered why I was called to this. I looked at the lives of others and saw the comforts and encouragements they enjoyed daily, things that seemed worlds away from mine.
At a point of intense difficulty the Lord placed in my hands some books written by a missionary who served in Asia about 50 years ago. As I read about Isobel Kuhn and her story, I was amazed at how similar our struggles were. An amazingly Godly woman who is already with Jesus has taught me much in this past year and I am thankful. One thing that struck me about Kuhn’s book, as well as books about Hudson Taylor and James Fraser (men who were missionaries to China and Burma in the late 1800’s, early 1900’s), was the personal battles that they faced in their early years of mission work. I’ve seen how the struggles they faced are still present in the lives of believers today and that passing through those early trials actually made them more effective witnesses of Christ throughout the rest of their lives.
Reading in 2nd
Corinthians just a few months ago, I was also amazed at reading words which
seemed to speak to me directly, words which brought clarity and light to my
darkness.
“We do not want you to be uninformed , brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.” (vs. 8-11)
If I could choose a verse that would summarize this past term and what I have learned it would from the above passage, “But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”If my God can raise the dead, then surely He can see me through anything. I can now conclude with this thought regarding the struggles I faced in this last year:
-Our family
had case after case of sickness and struggles with our health, “But this
happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”
-A lack of
encouragement and true friends who lived close by often brought loneliness and discouragement, “But
this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the
dead.”
-Concerns about lack of clarity and direction within the church and in how the Lord would lead us in the future, “But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”
(Here’s a picture of Ray looking concerned about the lack of clarity and direction within the church…)
Besides that, what have I learned? That when I have the Lord and His Word I can face anything. I don’t think I have yet had to learn a lesson that valuable or that difficult. But then again, growth comes in the storm doesn’t it? Not usually in the calm.
There is another aspect to the above verse that I have seen powerfully too,"On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers." I am so thankful to those who have prayed for us, especially in the times we have been struggling. Truly there is no more valuable support that we could ever receive, ever. Thank you. It has been a blessing to partner with you.
The cool season in Thailand (November through February) is a blessed respite not only from the heat, but from the bugs as well. I'm not sure exactly where all the little multiple legged critters vacation during the days that the temps dip into the 60's, but you can be sure that I don't miss them a bit. Food crumbs on the floor go uneaten. There's hardly a need to slap a mosquito or a fly. It's a blessedly quiet time of year. Unfortunately sometime during the hot and dry season, that sometimes has rain (March through May), those bugs that were relaxing by the beaches south of here come back in a major wave of...bugginess. The first is the elusive and unbelievable furry caterpillar. I have never been afraid or intimidated by furry caterpillars. As a child I would collect many furry caterpillars and place them in jars with twigs and leaves, covered by a saran-wrapped top with a rubber band to hold it in place and then of course, so the furry caterpillar could “breathe” I would dutifully poke small holes in the wrap with a pencil. So, I have never been afraid or intimated by furry caterpillars. I almost laughed out loud at our friend here who first told us about a certain type of furry caterpillar, which I’m pretty sure we don’t have in the Midwest. This caterpillar, he said, has fur that falls off and if you get any on your skin it’ll make you itch like crazy! Even if the fur is on the ground and a little bit gets on your skin, it’ll cause a reaction. Of course I thought that was ridiculous, until I experienced it first-hand. I was visiting a friend’s house with Ray. They gave him a few bananas and as he was eating them we all noticed that there were several furry caterpillars on the bananas and crawling on the outside of his shirt. The hostess was obviously worried for Ray. I didn’t think it was a big deal until he started crying and a few minutes later I looked at his torso and he was covered in red, splotchy welts which obviously itched like crazy. It took several hours for the swelling to go down and I am now a fear-filled furry caterpillar watcher. Those guys are seriously evil! This time of year they apparently live in the grass until it gets hot and then they migrate to cooler places, like our houses. For the most part they stay on the outside of the walls of the house, thankfully.
Another buggy part of this time of year is the various flying insects that are attracted to light, namely our porch light or any light that is shining out of a screened window. One night we were eating dessert and a crowd of kids starting gathering on our back step. I thought they would be interested in having some of our chocolate brownies…..instead they were gathering their own delicacy, bugs to fry up and snack on! Shiver, shiver.
Last night was the return of the may flies that find their way into any lighted crack in the house. Proceed to fly towards the lighted ceiling bulbs for a few minutes (what is the attraction to light anyways?) and then fall on the ground, drop their wings off and crawl around like crazy. This was the last straw. I shut off all the lights except the outside ones, opened the door and let them out. Unfortunately this morning the early sunrise showed quite a bit of carnage. Tonight’s plan? Lights off at dusk so those bugs can find another light to follow.
Some days I just know we’re in for a busy and tiring day. Today the morning started out as follows; I woke up at 6am and had just started reading a passage in the Bible that I had chosen for the day, when I heard my little boys calling to me. The boys went in search of Jeremy, who had woken up with a bad headache. At 6:45am a church member called, I ignored it, thinking that any pre-7am issues from outside our home would only add to the difficulty of the morning. We ate breakfast. At 7:20am the church member called again. I answered it and heard that Siripon, our very sick friend that I mentioned in the previous post, was heading down from her mountain neighborhood to ask for the church to help her. This is all on a Sunday, a day that is supposed to be a Sabbath rest! How could the Lord allow all this to happen to us, before 7:30 on a Sunday morning! Ha ha.
Sunday out here in Wiang Kaen is not the easiest day for me. I think part of me still compares the way I spent Sundays previously to the way they are spent now. Previously Sunday was a day to wake up and have a peaceful morning, although once you have kids it’s hard to get everyone out the door dressed and ironed in a peaceful manner! I enjoyed going to church and being ministered to, through the sermon, through time s of encouragement and sharing with friends. I enjoyed the afternoon, often a time to go out to eat, take a nap and enjoy a leisurely day, basically doing whatever I wanted. Sundays are now a day that often starts early. Our house is next door to the church and so we often have visitors stop by on their way to the service, as we hurry to eat our breakfast and change out of our pjs. Sometimes there are last minute things to do for the church service. The assistant pastor remembers that it’s the first of the month and he forgot to ask Jeremy to lead the communion part of the service. The microphones need new batteries, could we please run and get some? Sunday doesn’t always feel like a peaceful day when you’re drawn into all the details of preparation. On the other hand, it’s always a blessing to see friends at church and I enjoy chatting with the other young mothers. We have 6 young kids between 4 of us moms, between the ages of 1-6 years old, so there is always plenty to share about. The service begins at 10:30am. There is a time of singing together as a big church group and then the younger children, ages 3-10 have a Sunday School meeting while the adults listen to the sermon. As a mother of a child under the age of 3 I have the interesting task of figuring out how to entertain my little one, quietly, in the service all the while listening to the message, in Thai. I haven’t quite succeeded in this and I often hear very little of the sermon. Some of the time I and the other young mothers end up in the back hallway with our youngsters, trying to avoid disrupting the service with our children’s babbling and giggles. It’s a temptation to be frustrated, instead of making the best of the situation. After church we have a community meal which some of the women of the church prepare. We chat and laugh over plates of rice and veggies. In typical Yao fashion, there are always complaints that the food is not as good as, assumingly, one could make themselves. By about 1pm the moms and their kids start heading home for naps. The men of the church have their weekly meeting which can last late into the afternoon. Sometimes there is a big group bike ride in the evening hours, and then everyone heads home for dinner and rest at their own homes. I suppose it’s a very typical Thai Sunday, very communal. We tend to finish Sunday and look forward to an actual Sabbath rest on Monday! I continually have to ask the Lord, how is it that He would have me spend my Sunday, or more likely, what would He like my attitude to be based on what is going to happen to me during that day.
As I mentioned above today Siripon’s family decided that they’d done all that they could, using their demon worship doctoring, and decided that they wanted the church to help take her to a place where she could get medical care. I will remind the reader here that she had already been diagnosed, twice, with kidney failure. It was her parent’s decision to ignore the advice of medical providers, who spoke of her need for immediate dialysis, and take her care into their own hands. I must admit that I was relieved when I heard of their decision. Finally, Siripon would get the care she has so desperately needed. When I saw her though, I must admit that the first thoughts I had were disgust with her family that they would allow her health to decline to this point. She looked absolutely miserable. Unkempt hair and clothing and body indicated that even some of the most basic nursing care had been neglected. She had clearly lost weight and her legs were covered with little sores and scabs. Her face was yellowish and bloated, lips cracked and scabbed. Her breathing labored. A 19 year old girl, a picture of health just 8 weeks ago had fallen to this. She’s on her way to the hospital now, a 2 hour drive. Nobody is sure what can be done for her now. What is God’s plan in this? I long to know. Pray with me that it will ultimately be for her good and God’s glory.
